


go thinking about all the things i could've done

by whataboutmycape



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, M/M, gay if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 03:52:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2009937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whataboutmycape/pseuds/whataboutmycape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Bucky?” Steve asks, but unlike that day, when Buck had looked at him and smiled so wide, now he just runs. Steve is left on the bridge with broken memories and a frown on his face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	go thinking about all the things i could've done

**Author's Note:**

> this hasn't been beta read, so all mistakes are mine and i apologize

Before the war, Bucky used to sit for Steve all the time.   
  
The first time Bucky volunteered, Steve was shocked. He didn’t think Bucky would ever _want_  to sit still for that long, didn’t think it was possible. Steve was also incredibly glad, though, because drawing Bucky was something he always wanted to do, and was never able to, but now he had the perfect chance.   
  
Bucky first proposed the idea on a rainy night that the two of them were spending inside. Their hole-in-the-wall apartment rattled every time there was a loud roll of thunder and they hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on all day because the constant lightning gave off enough light by itself. Bucky is bored, pacing around the apartment, fiddling with various things and trying to entertain himself. Steve just watches him, amused, until Buck eventual huffs in defeat and joins him on the couch with a big sigh. Steve shakes his head softly and goes back to his drawing book. it’s quiet for all of two seconds.   
  
“What are you working on?” Bucky asks, and Steve answers, and that’s when Bucky gets the idea. Steve must’ve asked him a million times is he was sure, because Steve didn’t want to start it if Bucky wasn’t. It would’ve bothered him to have had the opportunity and then never gotten a chance to finish it because Bucky got restless. He would rather have just never started it.   
  
Bucky says he’s sure, though, and so Steve sits him and lets Bucky position himself. Steve sits cross legged on the floor in front of the couch, cradling his drawing book in his lap, and he starts to draw.   
  
It turns out, Bucky sits amazingly well. After that first time, when he sees what Steve’s drawn, all Bucky wants to do is sit for portraits. He comes to Steve with all different ideas, different poses, always impatient to try them and see what Steve draws. It becomes a routine for them, on nights where they have nothing to do and just find themselves sitting at home, Bucky will pick out which pose or scenario he wants to try and Steve will settle himself into a spot and draw.   
  
After the war, when Steve wakes up again, these are the memories that he holds dear. He doesn’t know what happened to the drawings- lost to the years between then and now and forgotten by everyone else, most like. But Steve remembers.   
  
When he meets Bucky again- on a bridge, with debris and destruction and fear all around them- he’s struck by the memory of Bucky standing for a drawning the day before he left. He was dressed in his uniform and he look determined and hard. He looked like a soldier.   
  
“Bucky?” Steve asks, but unlike that day, when Buck had looked at him and smiled so wide, now he just runs. Steve is left on the bridge with broken memories and a frown on his face.   
  
Steve goes back to SHIELD headquarters and then leaves again and fights and for a long time, nothing makes sense. He sees Bucky again, but it isn’t Bucky. Steve still doesn’t forget.   
  
After, when Bucky shows up at his doorstep, they sit together a lot. All the time, even. Bucky likes the quiet, and Steven just enjoys having Bucky there, with him. Sometimes when they’re on the couch, Steve will get up and dig out his sketch pad, and just fill in little things that he’s been idly working on. The sunrise in the morning when he goes for a run, or the kitchen in Stark Tower. He has a half-finsihed sketch of Sam flying over New York, and a nearly finished one of Thor holding Mjolnir. Everyday Bucky watches him, silently. Steve doesn’t falter, just draws.   
  
A few weeks go by like this. Bucky starts to ask now, about what Steve’s drawing. Where he saw different things, what inspired him to pick this or that. Steve lights up whenever Bucky has a question for him. He loves to talk about it, even more he loves to talk about it with Bucky. Steve loves to see that he’s getting better.   
  
“This one’s of a couple I saw in Central Park a few days ago. They were sitting together and they looked content. I just liked the picture it all made, with the trees and everything. I think I’m nearly done with it now, just a few details.” Steve murmurs softly, his head bent close to Bucky as he points out little things in the drawing. He feels more than hears Bucky hum in agreement.   
  
“Do you like to draw people?” Bucky asks, quiet and Steve looks up at him before he answers. He remembers one day when he drew Bucky this close, when they were sitting in bed together. It was a lazy morning and Bucky’s eyes were shining and Steve was struck by the picture he made, still looking sleep rumpled but obviously awake. He wishes he still had the drawings, wishes he could show this Bucky what they had been like back then.   
  
“I draw things I admire,” Steve says instead, softly. “I drew you a lot.” He adds. Bucky looks up at him and Steve hates how hard he is to read now. Before all of this, Bucky was an open book to him. But the Winter Soldier couldn’t afford to show emotions, and now Bucky is closed. Slowly, Steve is starting to re-learn him, but it’s still hard.   
  
“Do you…” Bucky starts, and stops. He seems to struggle for a second before he says, “Do you want to draw me? Again?”   
  
Steve smiles. He nods his head. Bucky tips his lips up tentatively.   
  
“You sure, Buck?”   
  
“Positive.” 


End file.
